3.31.2008

Onion reads

Study: 93% Of People Talked About Once They Leave Room

The Onion


Study: 93% Of People Talked About Once They Leave Room


LOGAN, UT—From body odor to personal-life details, the groundbreaking study revealed a laundry list of things discussed once most people leave the room.


Half Of 26-Year-Olds Memories Nintendo-Related

The Onion


Half Of 26-Year-Old's Memories Nintendo-Related


BROOKLYN, NY—According to an fMRI of Philip Jenkins' brain during memory recall, his parietal lobe is activated equally for the words "mother" and "Banjo Kazooie."


Mathematics To Retire Favres Number

The Onion


Mathematics To Retire Favre's Number


CAMBRIDGE, MA—Mathematicians, statisticians, number theorists, and members of numeral-oriented professions held a press conference at MIT...


NIT Still Has 10 Open Slots If Anyone Wants To Play

The Onion


NIT Still Has 10 Open Slots If Anyone Wants To Play


NEW YORK—Though the NCAA's postseason consolation tournament began play earlier this week, National Invitational Tournament selection committee chairman C.M. Newton issued a nationwide call for more basketball teams, or even individual...


Royals Told Not To Get Uniforms Dirty

The Onion


Royals Told Not To Get Uniforms Dirty


KANSAS CITY—Before taking the field last Wednesday for their game against the Minnesota Twins, Kansas City Royals manager Trey Hillman...


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