9.20.2007

Onion reads

Peyton Manning Apologizes For Cheating One Time When He Was 5
The Onion
Peyton Manning Apologizes For Cheating One Time When He Was 5

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning was barely able to compose himself as he apologized to his family, friends,...


Roger Clemens Officially Earns His  Million
The Onion
Roger Clemens Officially Earns His $20 Million

NEW YORK—After a half-season plagued by inconsistency, injury, and general disappointment, Roger Clemens finally earned the almost $20...



The Onion
Barry Zito: 'My Dad Says I Shouldn't Throw Curveballs Anymore'

SAN FRANCISCO—In an interview concerning his upcoming start against the Nationals, San Francisco Giants ace Barry Zito announced that he...


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