Onion reads

Kenny Lofton Thinks He's Putting Finishing Touches On Hall Of Fame Career

CLEVELAND—Apparently oblivious to the fact that his lifetime statistics, while repectable, are not worthy of admittance into baseball's most...

Michael Vick: 'I Also Ate Kittens'

RICHMOND, VA—In yet another installment in his series of recent confessional and contrite televised press conferences, suspended Atlanta...