Sinking feelings

I’m pretty sure that tonight I’ve hit my lowest point in this adventure.

My refrigerator is nearly empty because I’ve barely had the time or money to go to the grocery store. I’ve been living off beef and cheese sandwiches …

Our bank account has taken a big hit, thanks to taxes and this whole house-hunting thing …

Things in my professional realm right now are -- shall we say, difficult. Some things have unraveled and I’m in a tough spot.

And I miss Kates and Phoebe terribly. I miss our house. I miss coming home to work in the yard. I miss K-town. I miss watching Cubs and Brewers games. I miss knowing that on any given weekend we could be going to a game. I miss Summerfest. I miss making plans to go camping.

Above all, the real estate market is making me sick.

None of the showings on our K-Town home over the weekend have materialized into offers. And if the feedback we’ve been getting from lookers holds true, we could lose thousands in any deal. All the money we’ve invested in our house these last six years -- a bathroom remodel, a roof replacement, a deck addition, landscaping. It hardly matters now, and heart-breaking doesn’t begin to describe our emotions.

Today, we looked at House Nos. 25, 26 and 27 … And No. 25 was ripe for us to make an offer. But the scarcity of offers on our K-Town home, and the prospect of a loss, is causing us to put the brakes on laying down any offers in The ’Ville for awhile.

The cherry on top of our heap came this evening when I checked my mailbox and found a greeting card from my parents congratulating us on our new house. They mailed it before the deal sank on Saturday.

Tonight is the first time since my first week here that I’ve wondered, What the heck am I doing in this place!? … I’m feeling guilty about influencing Kates and Phoebe to relocate here. About the mess we’ve gotten into with our house. About the impact all of this might have on Phoebe’s childhood. And I’m doubting whether we’ll truly be happy here.

Then I have to remind myself. Be patient. It’ll come. Everything will fall into place. And that we’ve accomplished the most important feat by getting Kates a job for next year. Everything else will come.

I have to remind myself of the reasons we wanted to take this leap of faith in the first place. That I’ve only been here a few months, and Kates and Phoebe will be here in a couple more. That there’s plenty of new opportunities waiting for us here. And that there are plenty of trips to Cubs and Brewers games, camping vacations and Summerfest concerts -- although, maybe not this summer -- left in our future. The world is more mobile now than ever.

Ironically, my mother e-mailed a timely passage to me this morning …

“I am certain that God will bless me, but I don't know how. When we think we know exactly how the One who made us is going to take care of us, we're apt to ignore the angel messages sent us along the way.”

No comments: