1.23.2008

Onion reads


The Onion


Bill Clinton: 'Screw It, I'm Running For President'


CHARLESTON, SC—"My fellow Americans, I am sick and tired of not being president," Clinton announced while introducing his wife at a "Hillary '08" rally...


Jessica Simpson Completes Elaborate Plan To Destroy Cowboys Season

The Onion


Jessica Simpson Completes Elaborate Plan To Destroy Cowboys' Season


DALLAS—Speaking to reporters she had invited into her impenetrable subterranean Texas lair on Monday, Jessica Simpson gloated over the victory she recently achieved after nearly two years of using her personal charms, her unique brand of...


Sports Through With Helping New Orleans Recover

The Onion


Sports Through With Helping New Orleans Recover


NEW ORLEANS—Following this year's BCS National Championship game, held in New Orleans' Louisiana Superdome, commissioners from all amateur...


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